for every human, comes a dream… nonetheless… its only a dream!

Archive for September, 2005

Solo Night

Last night was the beauty of all the beasts. I stood motionless infront of many and many people who played the guitar. I estimated my embarasment to be unuffordable and my musical future was at stake thinking that everyone who played infront of me was far more advanced with his musical character.

Now came my turn. I held the guitar with the fear of the eyes that where thuging wholes at the back of my head, grimmling words that were a bate to all what was clear. From reason then and there i start remembering all the bad memmories and all the incedents that packed up to route me into the hard rock feel that i was. And I played, like never before. Plastic to steel, steel to wood, vibrations and harmonies, arppegios to sweeping, screams to music, music to thoughts, toughts to music. I survive the battle and smile for my day. I smile like the world has smiled for me that night.


Guilty Speech

Maybe today was the only day that passed by in “piece”. Maybe today will be remembered. But hey Who cares. I don’t. You shouldn’t. Its all the same.


Verse 1:
Standing out in the pouring rain
Shivering shades of grey in me
Guilty thoughts control my brain
For all that was done
I am the one
To stand alone

To my self, my pain
my destined nights
my grave, my fear of fights
To my greif, the song
I sing the croud and you
To all that i am

I stand alone to all that comes
Beneath my breath I am alone
You need my pain to smile with them
I need your smile to swell my pain

Walking away from the pouring rain
Greeting the shades of black in me
Guilty thoughts whipe my brain
For all that I’ve said and done
to grain your bliss
Killed me alone

Bridge + Chorus

I know someday i’ll clean my home
And walk away without rain fallin
I know someday you will keep that smile
And stay where rain will fall again and again
I know that dreams will never come true

A two minute movie

The story remains the same. I walk around a pivoted day based on hallucinations of a cast that was taken from fantasizing a story in the back of my head whether it be criminal, love or glamorous. Assorted thoughts and incidents happen to me as i walk to wherever i’m going. I can be a hero or villian, I can be a comdian or a heart throbing personality. To where i reach at the end I could die, grasp love, loose a fight and keep in hand a sequel to create on the next trip.

I reached my endpoint and i wake up to reality. I realise that it was a dream. Day dreamt, yet, well slept. A sleep from reality. Maybe that is why I keep a smile. Maybe that is why i feel like i’m different from others. Maybe that is why people say i have an amazing smile. Maybe that is why smile is fake. Sometimes a break is what you need to go for the next step.

The Abyss! (plan your future)

Continuity of life is dependent on profeciency and intermediate precision, yet obstacles can face you everry day! how do we survive?

I was pleased to find her there standing width-spanning and screening my life events in my day to day routine, whether it be mental or practical. She came to me two days ago asking for forgiveness of deprature and clearance of guilt. We have proceeded a conversation where guilt in my self was all the grew.

Such news always come at the wrong time. For an actual example, you get into a car crash, then your friend goes to the hospital for an emergency operation to his bladder, and you have modified the last credit acount you have for an international transaction (your broke). One of your clients doesn’t want to pay you your money. Your best friend breaks up with his fiance, your other friend has just back stabbed you. You go home and you find out that everybody is pissed at you for something you havn’t done. then you gather up all the piles of papers, accounts, documents and any legal matters to see what you need to do tommorrow and your half way through you get a call wherein is said: “Hey! Guess what! i’m married.. and i’m not happy”. What would you do then? I just threw all the papers out of my hand and just left the house; left everything behind and moved off to where no one would find me.

Ironically speaking, When things fall, everything falls.
When that is your day to day routine. whats next. Again ironically speaking, you see the world with happy eyes. yet cloudy and unclear becouse your eyes are just full of tears and your lips is shaped to a smile..

I love my life 🙂

Need Help!!!

Dear Marman Duke (dear marwana darak – father of the kids)

Cruising around in a car i tend to manipulate the gesture in my face expressing extreme emotions and definition of spiritual contrast (making funny faces coz i was bored). My cruisading friend manipulates his thoughts and futuristic schemes to conquer the world (he wanted to beat the crap out of someone who crossed his car over, yet, he raced him). In such a cruisade dangers tend happen like steaming metiors glading with lava crashing up upon ahead and rigiding the path that has served us a destiny.. which, undoubtfuly, has happenned. (we saw hot chicks and were very close to crashiing into the pavement), The insensibly uncontrollable screams where out from me and THE CRUISADER,… our throughts have scarred from the power of violent calls of help… yet, to the land of no return our words have went. (we called out to the girls calling flirtious words and got ignored like never before).. finally at a negligable vast of hope we come to hault.
In search for relaxation and comfort after the agony of fear, Our AR-17 ConsolioPOD transporter (a tercel mitsubishi 10 years old) was then attacked by monsterous vicious deamons in the entourage of such a brain dazziling habittat we have died. right there and then. with not a chance of survival that we ignored.. (we were attacked by a group of kids who aimed purposely at our balls.. and crushed them to the point that…. oh shit… i can’t even think about that…. freaking A! Kids… i wanted the story to be longer but hey seriously that was it.. all)…

Thank you for your time
Yours Hatefuly

A man who lost his man-hood
…ow need hospital.. really 😛

It was a summer breeze

I know i have rambled up about music and all its bullshit so i’m trying my best to confront my self with what is happening around me in this society! the amount of crap you see these days!

Satisfaction is what shows you when a person is for real. Satisfaction is what tells you how greedy people are or how content they might be! Sometimes being in content can be harmfull to others! (right sarah! :P) but hey sometimes greediness can be good as well.

Some people are greedy to knowledge, as some are to blood. Some people are so content that they ignore the loveliest things in life, like hanging out at burger king! (i’m starting to realize that i need a life).

But HEY! Who cares. Lyrics are lyrics. I AM THE LYRICS! (umm… a bit off track)… What i wanted to say was that there is a new band called Longhorn Dolls with A Jeff Peterson Watchin’ (no really! the band has no name) Its a local band (I play lead guitar for them :P) Well we are kinda going famous! I mean my sister knows about us! and one of my friends!… And some other dude that i call Chad! (well no.. i don’t know who he is.. except that he popped by once and actually said you play in a band.. i answered ‘yes’ and he said cool would like to hear you guys then never heard from him again!) … So yeah! we are famous! to ourselves… We are content with our music becouse we write it for our selves.

Anyways! The links to our songs will be available soon! In The Blog.. LIVE!!! FOR THE FIRST TIME! THE “…FILL IN THE BLANKS…” . Covering a large Amount of .. oh what ever.. who cares… Just read my lyrics already:

Chorus: (soft)
I am satisfied.
within noctornal thoughts
craving momentary peace
when i’m laid back.

Verse 1:
I can’t seem to justify
what i have done before you
Is there peace in this world
or is it just alyays mine

Chorus: (hard)

Verse 2 and 3:
I can’t seem to sleep
In the faith of not falling too deep
Ghosts of my past
mold my sweet sillioutte
Eyes wide shut
I wait my fate
Drooling from my eyes
When the sun comes up

Chorus: (hard)

Why do we cry when hurt
Than smile to the greater pain
Why do we crave for more
When content is the east way out
Why do we always see the window
But shut it close when the light sores you
All we choose is what we learn
I’m confused

Solo Section –

Chorus (hard) to fade

I still need to work on the lyrics of this song…..
but that just depends on our vocalist and how the music will be mastered…
Recording is done.. We just need to make sure….

Staind – Its been a while

Some tmes music hits you in the head real bad that a stupid song can actually make you realise what is happening to you. Lyricists damn you all. Thats maybe why i more instrumental than lyricist. I like to lie at my self and not face the truth that i’m living. Its a weak spot for me. I can’t face things, not anymore. Staind! you are just like my except you talk about love when its nothing that has to do with it. Its been a while… since i could first put my head up high! Can you be that intoxicated… Its not a girl.. Its a bottle of liquoir. Thank you staind for saying the words i wanted to say for a while.

nd it’s been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it’s been awhile since I first saw you
And it’s been awhile since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it’s been awhile since I could call you

And everything I can’t remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I’ve rendered
I’ve stretched myself beyond my means

It’s been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn’t addicted
And it’s been awhile since I can say I love myself as well and
And it’s been awhile since I’ve gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it’s been awhile but all that shit seems to disappear when I’m with you

And everything I can’t remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I’ve rendered
I’ve gone and fucked things up again

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day

And it’s been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it’s been awhile since I said I’m sorry
And it’s been awhile since I’ve seen the way the candles light your face
And it’s been awhile but I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can’t remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be
I know it’s me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And it’s been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it’s ben awhile since I said I’m sorry