iris!

for every human, comes a dream… nonetheless… its only a dream!

Archive for June, 2005

Paralysis!

The way words are put should not be taken as insulting. I don’t know what other way to put these words!

I went to an early show in the movies with a couple of my friends today. They had to leave early. So I decided to take a walk around the park nearby. A long walk it was, thinking of everything and all the things. In my long journey I bump into a girl who is being pushed by her maid. She was beautiful, gorgeous, and astoundingly glamorous; yet, with half a body alive.

The point were we met was that she dropped a box; I picked it up for her and gave it back with a smile. Sadly to my self, At the bottom of the image reflected in my retina is where I was concentrating. I introduced my self. She stuttered and couldn’t answer back. I sat down to be at her level of sight and introduced my self again. A wonder wall how she smiled with so much beatitude that her eyes started twinkling with shine. For a second there I felt sorry for her; but I though again, and blessed her innocence and purity for she had much more to give to this world than what I ever would dream of giving out.

She tells the maid to walk away as I move behind her to push her towards a shaded area where we can sit and talk. I really don’t know what made me do so; maybe its my curiosity or my wilderness to care or is it just to adjourn a new experience.

She told me about her interests and hobbies and what she wanted to be when she grows up. She talked about her love to non-vocal-music and her interest in wild-life and nature. It was amazing how she talked passionately about everything even about things that she never would never have. She had a dream to walk the earth she was brought upon for hours and just sit between the sea and the sand every now and then, seeing different views of nature at different angles. But she never uttered a word about her state; it was as if it wouldn’t even cross her mind.

With my amassing guilty conscience, I dared to ask: “How did this happen?”. She smiled at me and said “born with it!”. Humorously, She told me how once she tried to put her pants on by her self and that she fell back onto the bed and her legs hit her on the face. I felt this spark of pain in my stomach, that sting in my heart and that bubble of air in my throat. Its not funny, but I smiled and I giggled. I smiled from my admiration of such power to tell a story without being worried that someone would pity her. Amazed at the strength of pride-deterrence viewed in such an innocent twitter. I felt pity; pity towards us all and our frailty that any of us would cavil about in perpetuity. What power and audacity she had rolling around in public not worrying about how other people would stare at her; some in disgust, some in pain, some in sorrow, some in astonishment as if a ghost passed them by.

I left her and walked back towards my home. First time I walk back home with a smile after Sara left me. For I knew and understood that the world has more than what it has; we just need to seek it. And we will never learn the value of what we have until we loose it.

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Sing with the bouncing ball!

You know how the bouncing ball always comes back to the first letter. Well, that is what has happenned to me now. I was with this girl for six years of repetitive break up and make up. Everytime this relationship falls its comes back again adn rises. In between that, while you sing along with the music of life you tend to fall for one of the other words in one of the scentences in one of theses songs in one of these albums in one of these record store rooms which is a part of atleast a million other record stores in the world. And you like the repetition of that word in that song till you go on with the rest of the song.

Once the bouncing ball goes back to the first letter again and again and again. you realise that you are not falling onto the same letter. You are falling on a different letter everytime you it happens. You start realizing that it ends up being a starting point to repeat your jorney through the lyrics over and over. Non-the-less, this is my theory at the end, you fall back to the first person becouse they are the first of all, but if everytime you fall for that person she is a different person then how will she every be the right one.

Its a wonder how the chorus of a song really changes your life and everytime you fall onto some other word you end up not staying for so long except if it was the chorus; not the first word of that song.

World! I’m Out!

http://darthside.blogspot.com/

Sorry about this weird post.. but… 771 COMMENTS.. WHO DOES THIS GUY KNOW .. THE ENTIRE BLOGGING CIMMUNITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .. phew… i need to calm down..

The Mall!



I’m walking inside a huge building that contains many shops and outlets viewing products from cloths to electronics and cigarettes, My walk is for the purpose of buying a shirt i wanted real bad. Many people walk inside the premises of that building. And oh my, the things you see.

I turn around one of the corners to see what “they” usually call the corner “HANG OUT” spot. and when i say THEY, I meant the 10 year old midget arabs who dress like they where once slaved and are taking it back onto society by living the gangster life. What the hell is that arab kid-dude, who hardly knows a world of english, doing wearing a bandana saying thug life or a picture of weed or so. Seriously, what do want to be something you are not. Taking it to the right side, I am a goth freak metal head. But, i never wear spikey rings or put tattoes or any of that crap. I’m not against it, but thats not who i am, who my origins are, I like what they do, but i aint doin it!

Another way around, at one of the corners, there is a court room made just for food. Where you find all the food you might ever please to have, Burger King, McDonalds, KFC, Pizza, Italian, Chinese, Arabic, Iranian, Indian, and specially Blogfood :P. Well anyways, that is not what amazed me, what really gave me the shocks, is that you turn around into the court and you see it packed with young people who are sitting there behind the dinning the tables and smoking their cigarettes and drinking coffee. WELL WHAT ARE COFFEE SHOPS MADE FOR… WHAT? HUH?,,,

I understand window shopping, checking out chix and shit, BUT WHY sitting there and boring your ass out just smoking your cigarettes and drinking the never ending coffee cup. OMG, That is one other thing as well. Coffeecups. I once sat down in a corner just check human interactions, and i spot this guy who gets up buys his coffee and sits down back in his seat. How long do you think that coffee would last him? 30 mins? Well, the truth shall be told. It would last them about 6 – 8 hours!!!! astonishingly, they sit there sipping on it for hours, and at the end when the ganitor comes to clean up and take there so called ashtray with a mountain of buds on it, coz apparently he is sitting with atleast 25 other people, There is “STILL” coffee left enough for him to kill his last cigarette and make the “Tiss” sound loud enough for two tables to hea. Why don’t you just fill that up with kerosine and blow up the whole damn place. Its sounds much better than a “tiss” atleaset!

Phew! End of the day, shops are closed, people are leaving home and i am walking out from the food court after i had my lovely meal of italian pasta – for the people who know me, you should’ve figured that out already. On my way out i hear sounds of people laughing out loudly that sounded like the smurfs. My curiousity pulled me through towards the sounds where my eyes come accross the negga-wannabe’s again. the same crew of kids murmering over and over again and singing the same hit song all day long.

World! I’m Out!

P.S, that was one sever case of A.D.D.! I totaly forgot about the shirt i wanted to buy.

Opeth – Credence

Deserted again.
You speak to me through the shadows.
Walking in closed rooms, using cold words.
Captured by the night.
The yearning escapes from my embrace.
Strange silhouettes whisper your thoughts, scream your sadness.
And they all turned away, unable to face more of this death.
Credence in my word.
Written in dust, tainted by memories.
I confess my hope, recognize my loneliness.
Your laughter weeps the truth.
Push me into the corner.
Confirming the epitaph of my soul
and displaying the once unknown Karma.

Hypocrisy?

I was chilling with some fridns today who have just graduated university. We were cruising around just like we used to always. We were supposed to meet this guy called hazim – never met him before. So, as any normal person would do, i ask about him. They told me loads of crap about this guy, they don’t want hang out with him for long.

We reach our destination and talk to that guy. Apparently, all the smiles, jokes and laughters have just norished to the scene as soon as the camera got his picture in. It was really weird. I started thinking of whether these guys talk about me the same way they did about him and are just acting as my dear friends in front of me.

The same day in the morning. I visit one of my other friends who works in a fan club booth for a national team. There was a guy who passes by every now and then just dropping a few words and going on with his stuff. He was the hygein manager of a closeby foud court. Every time this guy passes, my friend grouches his eyebrows and then gets up with a heavy breath. Next thing you know he is smiling and talking freely with him as if he holds no grudge or any kind of dislike towards him.

After he was done with his job session. We went down to a coffee shop to meet one of his “old friends”. We had loads of fun discussing and replaying comments on each other. It was amazing. On our way back, all i hear my friend saying was crappy bull “crap” – trying to keep my blog clean. He is not trust worthy, he is a blabber mouth, yadi yadi yada – and so on till i left with anger.

If you hate him so much why don’t you just get up and kick his freakin ass – keeping clean didn’t work. Its not right to be just talking about him behind his back. SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY.

This actually makes me think! Are all people like this? once weak to front, stab the back? well if they end up apologizing then that would make sense, but its not like the people they told me about ever hurt them or did them wrong. So there is no purpose of being such hypocrites. Why are people just in this world to hurt other people intentionally.

I don’t know, I don’t care really. It was just a thought.